I finally feel like I'm starting to fall into life here and figure out where I fit. Tomorrow, next week, I may not feel the same, but tonight is comforting.
Beginning today, I have a two-and-a-half week Herbstferien, a fall vacation. German school schedules are far different from America's; instead of having school nearly straight through from August or September until May or June, Germans begin school in August and go into July. Within the school year are three major breaks in addition to the roughly one-month-long summer break. Each of the three breaks is two weeks long - big tests are generally scheduled right before the break. In my opinion, this is a superior school schedule to America's; the vacation times break up the year and keep students from getting too bogged down, and no one needs a three month summer break. Students get bored, and the entire fall semester back is spent in review, attempting to refresh students on material already learned.
Interestingly, Obama is looking to change that a bit.
Anyway, I now have two and a half weeks stretching ahead of me. No meetings, no commitments, no work... and still no money. Still no payment. Even the fact that, when I do receive my stipend, it will be for over two months of backpay, is not very consoling, as most of those Euros already have someone's name on them. (Digression: check out that amazing sentence: four commas. Yikes.)
So, what does one do with two weeks and limited resources? My plan: walk. Discover Düsseldorf. Cook meals. Take long baths. Research my future. Attempt to finally goddamn get registered at the university. (This process is getting really old.)
Life is already looking better than a week ago. Deciding to approach this experience from a different angle has already made a difference. My days are quiet... much, much quieter than I am used to. A typical day involves a maximum of 5-6 hours of work (pre- and proceeded by a nearly one-hour commute). I am back home no later than 3 pm. From there, I walk four blocks to Karolingerplatz, an adorable, colorful area full of cute shops. I buy groceries for the day, walk home, catch up with things online and prepare for the next day at school. Around 6:30, I meet with my Irish friend Adriana, and we walk around the city for 1-2 hours. I come back home, make a nice dinner, talk with my roommates, and sleep. When I don't work, the routine is similar, except I get a stretched-out breakfast and often have to come up with a goal to accomplish that gets me out of my house and walking somewhere.
These goals are silly: Buy pink eyeshadow. Buy scissors. Find the nearest gym. Create posters advertising my English tutoring skills. The next day, go to a university and attempt to figure out the official process for hanging up said posters. Silly, small goals, but, as stated, things that get me up, moving, showered, dressed, and out of the house. Things that get me walking and moving and keeping my sanity. Things that actually can take quite a bit of time when you slow them down and make them into individual goals, rather than throwing them on your Wal-Mart shopping list and trying to fill your cart during your 30-minute lunch break and still make it back to work/class on time.
I am still learning here. I'm remembering the importance of slowing down, of enjoying every moment. I'm learning how to give my life meaning, how to develop my own self-drive and not just tumble through someone else's time constraints. I'm realizing the importance of physical health and how it seriously impacts mental and emotional health.
For the first time tonight, I just laid in bed and thought. I didn't realize I was doing it. I had planned to meet up with other teachers-in-training from my school and have a drink in the Altstadt tonight (such an interesting German custom... more on that in the future), but, an hour before leaving my house, I felt exhausted with a persistent sinus headache. I gracefully bowed out, worried that I may be screwing up a good opportunity to better know my colleagues and peers. And, maybe I did. But, the following four hours of evening have not been boring, as expected.
I sat with my computer in front of my face for much of my evening, idly browsing for entertainment. What I realized, though, was that the computer was just a front. What I really spent my evening doing was meditating, though not formally or mindfully. For the first time, I was content to just be and think. Reflect on my life at this point. Surprisingly, my thoughts came rather clearly, but they did not upset me. Arguably, my uncertainty about many elements of my present and future could get me rather worked up (and usually do when I consciously cogitate upon them), but this time, my brain just watched and processed.
In my hectic American life, this was not a skill I used to cherish. Only in the past few years, through personal experiences as well as exposure to some Eastern religious ideas, have I begun to think about the benefit of a simpler, quieter, slower-paced life. Now, I actually have the opportunity to start practicing.
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