Readjustment

Written on Saturday, October 2, 2010, morning.

As I sit here on my birthday, sipping peppermint tea and waiting for my roommates to get the hell out of the bathroom so I can take a long, hot bath, I reflect on my present and my future.

At present, I realize that Cyndi Lauper is great morning-after-celebrating music.

The transition back to Deutschland has been a lot rockier and more mentally and emotionally challenging than I ever anticipated. In fact, I did not really anticipate a tough readjustment. I knew I would miss home, and I knew that it would be harder to meet people this time around, but I had no idea to what extent.

The past four weeks here have been full of ups and downs... more downs than ups. That’s not to say that I’m crying and depressed all the time – rather, I’m realizing that getting adjusted to one social group and one way of life, then tearing yourself away from it and starting over gets more difficult the older one gets. (Or, at least, this seems true for me.) When I left my parents’ home for college, I was nothing but excited. When I left for Germany the first time, I prepared hectically for six months in advance, flying around in a flurry of nervous Vorbereitung.

This time, I avoided thinking about leaving until I had to start preparing. I signed the documents and promptly avoided searching for an apartment until a month before takeoff. I didn’t pack until a few days before. I refused to think about the reality of leaving and just floated along, preparing, but not absorbing what it all meant.

I arrived in Germany, had a whirlwind of various lodgings, and finally settled into an apartment. Düsseldorf is fantastic, my job is incredible, my roommates are wonderful. And, yet, I find myself missing home. It’s not that I’d rather be there. It’s not that I’m pining. I just seem, on at least one evening a week, to have no control over my emotions.

Is this growing up? I’m not sure that I like it. Still, this struggle seems important.

After a conversation with a very close and wise friend of mine, I realized that I need this time in Germany, not to have a fun, crazy year of little responsibility and lots of traveling and spontaneous living, but rather, to figure out some more about myself. Instead of focusing on my greatly narrowed geographically-near social network and my inability to enjoy the nightlife as I once did, it’s time to look at my life through a different lens.

Being here, geographically but not communicatively isolated from many people dear to me gives me the opportunity to focus (nearly) solely on me. To assess my life and the way I live. To prepare myself delicious, healthy meals and pamper my body. To wander the city and further alone, reflecting instead of passively absorbing stimulation and entertainment. To make some decisions about my future, post-this-time-in-Germany.

To realize that I have a huge network of people who care. People whom I may only have met once or with whom I was at one time acquainted, but who reach out, who care, and who provide support, no matter where I am in my life or in the world.

To realize how small the world is. Already, I’ve met with two fellow students from Universität Trier who studied abroad at the same time as I. They are also both in the Düsseldorf area, one studying here for the next two years.

I’m starting to assess my future, to try to figure out where I want to guide my life. I know and accept that I can’t control every aspect of it, and I rather like it that way. I don’t want to aim for one job, for one future. I’ve always enjoyed the feeling of anticipation, of not knowing what exactly is coming.

What I can control, to some extent, is in what direction I aim my goals. I am, at least at this point, fairly certain that I want to spend a bit more time in the Twin Cities. I want to continue my education, though I’m not sure to what end. I want to learn more about languages and cultures and communication, and also about natural body care, health care, and living. There are some interesting post-bachelor programs at the U into which I want to look more deeply.

What I do want, overall:

• to be happy

• to be healthy

• to spend great times with those dear to me

I don't think that's too much to hope for.

Also

Hey guys... I see you creeping on my blog. Leave a comment once in awhile, let me know you're here! Thanks for reading. :)

Starting to find my place

No, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. Though I am proud to say that I'm still in the once-a-week update schedule. Go me.

Work

This past week was the second week of my Hospitationsphase at my school. This means that I have spent the last two weeks just visiting and observing various classes, to discover which teachers and classes I with whom I would enjoy working.

The Hospitationsphase has been nice; it was a smooth ease into getting to know the school, my colleagues, and the overall feeling of the students. However, it's been getting bit frustrating, just sitting around, smiling a lot and explaining that my name is Amanda, I'm from the U.S.A., and no, I have not met Barack Obama. There really hasn't been a lot of use of my brain. However, in the past few days, I've worked with some great teachers who have immediately welcomed me into their classes and allowed me to team teach and lead the class all on my own, right off the bat. One of the teachers in particular wants to meet with me once a week and discuss how I can take over a grade 13 class all by myself for a particular amount of time each week.

In summary, it's getting exciting. At first, I thought I'd be best suited to grades 7-11, those grades right in the middle of the Gymnasium, or German high school, as they had enough knowledge of English to hold decent conversations, yet could use more input. The grades 5 and 6 are so young, are new at English, and are so energetic. The 12s and 13s are already working with texts like Emma Lazarus's The New Colossus and Walt Whitman's Pioneers! O Pioneers! Scary.

As it turns out, though, I made myself a schedule with a mix of grades, from 5 all the way through 13. The older classes will be a challenge to keep up with, while the younger ones I've found are just adorable and excited and a breath of fresh air. They are a challenge in themselves in just figuring out ways to keep them engaged and attentive and not bouncing off the walls.

Ironically enough, for someone who didn't have a whole lot of interest in teaching this age group, I've found myself lately thinking, "It wouldn't be such a bad profession..."

Bureaucracy

I took the day off on Wednesday to attempt to register at the university... again. Long story short: foiled... again. Apparently my Sprachpartnerin is only there Mondays through Thursdays from 9 to noon... but not this Wednesday. Come back tomorrow. Well, some of us work, and 9 to noon tend to be particularly popular working hours. Guess I'll try back next week... again.

On another note, supposedly I will receive my PIN-number for my bank card today. It'd be nice to actually be able to use the bank account I so effortlessly opened.

As for my legal residence permit, I finally had a chance to get to the Ausländerbehörde today. I took my number, expecting to wait behind quite a queue. Surprisingly, it wasn't even a ten-minute wait. I entered the office of a loud, but rather kind woman and explained that I am a Fulbright Stipendiatin, and I need my Aufenthaltserlaubnis. She asked me a few questions... and made an appointment for me to return on October 26. At 7:30 am.

So, I guess that'll have to wait a bit, too. At least I have an appointment. And my tourist visa doesn't expire until December 1. Thank goodness for good German-American relations.

Social Life

I fell apart to a friend last week - it was the typical culture-adjustment, just-need-to-collapse-for-a-few-minutes sort of thing. I knew this time around would be harder than last time - that I wouldn't have the cushy automatic living space, automatic help with bureaucracy, and automatic group of friends that is a benefit of studying abroad.

The living space, however, was resolved (and, thank goodness, as I've heard of some Fulbrighters who are still searching), and the bureaucracy goes slowly, but I was fully expecting that and still have time. As for the social life aspect of being alone in a foreign country... well, I guess I wasn't completely braced for that. As I was having a pre-leaving freak out back in Minnesota, a good friend told me that it seemed I'd just become very comfortable in my situation, and I needed to let go of that.

He was completely correct. One of the strangest and hardest stumbling blocks to crawl over has been attempting to build something of a social network here in Düsseldorf. I don't have that friend whom I can call to just go grab coffee, I don't have that group who'll go out on the town.

Once I realized that this is what I am missing from my life, however, I spent an entire afternoon searching out expat groups in Düsseldorf and e-mailing fellow ETAs in the area. The response has been positive. On Saturday, I met with an Irish girl who was a fellow exchange student in Trier. She is currently working in Düsseldorf, and, though she's leaving in a week, she introduced me to a co-worker, an Irish lass my age who lives only four blocks from me. She invited me to dinner at her place, after which we went out on the town together. It's a mutual happiness that we've found each other, as we're both new to the area. On Wednesday, the weather was beautiful, and I randomly e-mailed a Kiwi with whom I was going to meet on Saturday. We ended up grabbing ice cream and walking around the Altstadt. This afternoon, I'm to meet with an Irish guy in the Altstadt, and tomorrow night, a British girl invited me to her place for drinks before going out. Slowly but surely, I think I'm making connections and finding mutual support.

Apartment

My roommates are incredible, and my apartment is beautiful. I live with two sisters from Bolivia, whose father is deutsch, so they are able to legally live here and attend university. They've been here for 4 and 6 years respectively and are great inspirations in working on language skills. When they got here, they knew no German, and now they both speak better than I do.

Oh, and one of them was Miss Bolivia 2001. Just sayin'.

The other roommate is a younger woman from a small town in Germany. All of them are great, happy, outgoing, and kind people. Between Esther's parents, who kindly hosted me for about two weeks when I first arrived, and my roommates, I have more furniture in my room than I had in my last two apartments in the TC. Really, I have no reason to buy any room furnishings... though, I couldn't help visiting IKEA and picking up a €3,99 lamp, some extra hangers, and a brand new feather pillow, just because. (Strangely, IKEA has a very comforting, homey feel to it... and they serve hotdogs. Real, American hotdogs. Good to know.)

I'm sure I will still buy some more furnishings, as ten months in a foreign land can seem long when you're craving more light for your desk/work area or hate your bedspread. I'll happily pay €20 for a cute duvet cover (which will also NOT be silky... man, that stuff makes you sweat!). However, that said, not knowing when your paycheck will arrive really makes you aware of your spending habits. I'm very proud of the fact that I've managed to cling on to a nice little nest egg (which will magically disappear come October rent time). I also have been impressed with my own self-control and my ability to shop, admire, and accurately assess if it's a need or a want, or if I could sleep on it for a few days and see if I really want it. Not that I've ever been overly frivolous with money... I just feel really good knowing that I have a super thrifty side, too.

Look, Ma - I'm (sort of) all grown up! (Kind of.)

The Pied Pedophile

Also, for those of you Hamliners (or Hamline supporters) who have always wondered about our creepy Piper mascot, here is the story of the Pied Piper of Hamelin, as written by a fellow Fulbright ETA in Hannover.

True story.

LOCK UP YOUR CHILDREN! IT'S HIM!

Adventures in Babysitting Bureaucracy

Due to the delightful language of my contract as an English Teaching Assistant in Germany, I am allowed (almost required) to take one full day a week away from the school for my own time. I chose Fridays. (Who wouldn't?)

Thus, today, I had the privilege of sleeping in. Because I am now old and my body is used to getting up at ridiculous o'clock every morning, I slept in until the beautiful hour of 8:30 am.

This means that I can Skype with friends at 1:30 am Minnesota time, while they are still going strong. One Pro for the list, I guess.

All was well, though, as I still have a list of bureaucratic crap to get through. I had intended to go to the Ausländeramt of the city of Düsseldorf (for you Anglophiles, that is the Alien Registration Office) to wait in line and attempt to convince officials that I would be a gracious and appreciative recipient of a visa that would allow me to legally live in Germany until next July.

Following such an adventure, I planned to find the Akademisches Ausländsamt on the university and attempt to persuade them to let me register as a student without making me pay tuition. I'm told that Fulbrighters often are exempted from tuition fees, though we still pay the 200€ student fee... which I will happily pay, as it allows me free public transportation throughout the entire state of Nordrhein-Westfalen until the end of next March.

Of course, being Germany, both offices closed at 1:00 pm and 12:00 noon today, respectively. Furthermore, the university office closes at noon every day. As a productive member of society, this does not work well with my schedule.

So, I decided that the visa could wait; after all, my American passport gives me tourist status for three months, so another week won't hurt. I hopped on my bike, praying not to get lost, and set off for the uni. Turns out, it's a mere 8-minute bicycle ride from my apartment. Beautiful, really. I found the correct building without a problem and headed in, rehearsing my words in my head.

"Hi, my name is Amanda. I'm a Fulbright grantee in Düsseldorf until next July, and I would like to register as a student at the university."

But, alas. Germany has foiled me again. I explained my request to staff members, only to be told that my particular person only has office hours from 9 am - 12 pm Monday through Thursday. And, she'll be out until next Wednesday. Come back then.

Germany: 1.
Amanda: 0.

Umziehung und Arbeit

An update for yoooou, though I'm exhausted, so it's going to be short and not very interesting. (Though I'm certainly not implying that my daily activities are ever interesting.)

Today was my second day at the school. For the first two weeks, I'm taking part in my Hospitationsphase, which means that I am visiting and observing various classes to see which classes and students I enjoy and would like to be a part of for the entire semester or year. (But I'm pretty sure I've already explained this.)

So far, everything is going great. (Minus the fact that I took the wrong train this morning and was twenty minutes late to school. Hey, who makes a route that goes in a CIRCLE? This makes the end destinations the same. Awfully hard in that case to figure out which direction you should take the train, in my opinion.) The students are all surprisingly well-behaved (possibly because I'm a new person?), and my colleagues are all super friendly. I even attended a Lehrerkonferenz today, in which the entire faculty had a meeting about important things.

Speaking of important, I've only been in Düsseldorf for about five days, and I already have seven keys. This includes a key that opens pretty much all doors in the school, and one for the teachers' room. As Andrew said, that's something I should put on a résumé. I feel exceedingly privileged. And kind of old.

Yesterday, I moved into my apartment. I'm not completely in yet, as one of my roommates is on vacation in Spain, and it is her former room that I will be moving into. Thus, I'm currently based in the living room/her future room until she returns on Friday.

My life overall, though, is awesome. I finally have a home base, I'm making and eating real food again (not just bread, noodles, and cheese), and I like my school. Time is already going fast, which is both a blessing and a bit scary.

Life is good.

Dining with Dutcher

Dear Readers,

I am pleased to announce to you my authorship in a second blog.

My dear friend, Haeyoon, who has personally experienced the frustrations of attempting to cook in the processed-cheese-less, condensed-soup-less, any-sort-of-spice-less country of Germany, has revamped her cooking blog for the year. Topic: how to keep Amanda from starving by providing delicious, cheap recipes modified for the Deutschland.

My part in this blog, in addition to having the pleasure of receiving and testing the recipes (and getting my name in the title... hells yes), is to issue Haeyoon a weekly recipe challenge, so that she does not bore of her task.

I now present to you:

Dining with Dutcher.